Stew

I just realized... mistakes are awful when immortalized. I hate reading one part of this work, because it made feel disgusted of myself. I dont wanna hurt anyone, but I consider this as one of my private spaces. My blog dont talk but it speaks to me emotionally. Everytime I visit my semanticsurplus, I realize that time is measurable than what could take place within its seconds. Like me, in just a matter of 3, 5, 6 entries... I recalled myself growing and stagnated -- growing by age, stagnated by personal progression.

Awful, right?

I wanna share to all people what I have became, and what shall i gonna become. Despite shame and embarrassment, I wanna be a source of inspiration for those who are about to commit the same mistakes as Ive been through the past. A precautionary instrument that saves them from waste. I'm a waste, I admit. A big waste as could have been a better person but just chooses to be not. Name it -- laziness, irresponsibility, carelessness, undisciplined, temporal, utilitarian... I went down through it all. Nobody will ever gonna like to be "like me." Nobody.

I may be not being very nice about my self... It is just how "id-istic" I am, not minding the ego at all. I just run after what is pleasurable, fun, exciting, easy, entertaining... no perseverance, patience... every single beautiful aspect about me is overpowered by my fear and my frustrations.

Until when shall I remain this way? I am just floating, happy-go-lucky, and carefree.

Devil-may-care.

What I have became is atleast second to the last of my priorities. I have aspirations though, but they remained plans.

One day, I hope... I'll wake up, enlightened, changed, and a better person.